LIBMO 2013

By Simon Fischler

I love you, Liberal Muhammad, you’re my boy for life.

Dude, your attitude towards women is amazing! You truly are the gold standard of chauvinism!

Liberal Muhammad, I love you because you’re not embarrassed to say, “Hey I need 50 spouses to run my house, and if one of them steps out of line I’ll have the family stone her!”

I love you, Liberal Muhammad, because in Saudi Arabia you say “Woman, you’re too stupid to drive a car, so my buddies and I will make certain it stays illegal for you, don’t you know?”

Liberal Muhammad, you made it illegal for women to leave the house by themselves in Saudi Arabia. Right on! More power to you, Liberal Muhammad!

If your sister does not marry whom you tell her to, or if there is a girl you want who has rejected you, it’s no problem for you to sneak right up on her and throw acid in her face then run away  … like a real man. ‘Cause that’s how you run things, my boy Liberal Muhammad!

Your attitude towards Gays is so forward thinking: DEAD; end of story! Not just dead, but dead like I’m going to drag your ass into the town square, burry you up to your head, then stone your ass to death: That’s how you do it, Liberal Muhammad, and the Twenty-First Century be damned!

Your attitude towards nonbelievers is stellar and simple: follow Islam or I cut your head off! I wish I could be that way with my neighbors sometimes, or I wish my nation could be that way with its neighbors: You don’t like my wall, I’ll cut your fricken head off!

You know what else is so cool about you, Liberal Muhammad? When you make a mistake, you don’t take responsibility: NO WAY; blame the Jews; or blame Jewy America. If that doesn’t work, you either burn an Israeli embassy or American embassy to the ground.

I love the magic you weave: look at the great invention you’ve come up with -- Islam! Yeah what do you care that the Jewish nation was around hundreds of years before Islam came into being; you have no problem stealing all of the Jewish nations history, prophets and land.

Another great invention of yours, Islamophobia.

Your petrol dollars came in handy buying academics and the media to create this asinine idea called Islamophobia. What a joke, but you got the billions to make believers out of the sheep and that is why I love you!

You know better than anyone, Liberal Muhammad, why people fear you and it is not Islamophobia. 

It must be about the fact that you have no problem flying commercial airliners into civilian buildings and killing three thousand people in one fell swoop.

It’s not phobia; it’s justifiable fear.

People fear you because if someone draws a cartoon about you and you don’t like it, you’ll go on a million strong rampage, killing everyone who doesn’t believe in what you believe. Pow, pow: right to the point; that’s you, Liberal Muhammad!

Or lets look at how you invented a whole nation, then hoodwinked and bamboozled the world into backing it.

Before the twentieth century there was NO nation of Palestinians.

When you lost your colonial grip on Israel, you put all those billions of Arabian, Islamic, ozone-destroying petrol dollars into creating another nation by flooding Israel with Syrian and Arabian Arabs.

Then you borrowed the Roman name Palestinia and poof: here are the Palestinians!

This canard you have invented has fooled a good portion of the world. Today people who think they are fighting against colonialism are attempting to steal national emancipation from arguably the oldest nation in the world, The Jewish Nation.

You are brilliant. 

Let me give you a high five on that one, Liberal Muhammad.  You managed to buy off the world with the dirtiest of dirty petrol dollars and sell them colonialism disguised as Liberal/Academia!

That’s impressive.

But what is more impressive is how you have made anti-Semitism the new, cool fade with your Petrol Dollars, THAT’S MY BOY, LIBERAL MUHAMMAD; AWESOME!

I mean, how did you convince all of those self-hating Jewish gays and lesbians to espouse the belief that Israel’s liberal attitude and practices toward gays/lesbians is actually PHONY? 

You’ve magically made these supposedly intelligent anti-semitic semites believe that the Israeli government is only permissive toward homosexuality to distract the world from its crimes against Palestinians!  

Way to go, Lib MU!

You have done such an amazing job of buying and therefore rewriting history that you have totally disguised your explicit part in the African Slave Trade. After all, it was you who colonized North Africa, stole the land from Africans. And it was you, Liberal Muhammad, who sold Africans to your Blood Brothers – WHITE (and all too soon to be NAZI) EUROPEANS!

Man, Liberal Muhammad, you are the best. You bring so much good to this world: suicide bombings on a daily basis; using children as human shields; butchering women and minority sects.

There’s just one wee problem, my boy Lib MU: your “language of peace” is more like the language of a piece of crap!